decomposing beneath my clothes

[KAHLUA EMORY LOVATO]

He'd always rather sleepwalk. On any given day- er, night- he would honestly rather converse loudly with himself, let secrets slip, or just natter about nothing. Any of the other weird things that happened to him a night he would willingly take on, amplified by a hundred, and be happy in the end. But Kahlua couldn't make any sort of deal, and so he had to deal with night terrors every so often. Even mild nightmares that happened and passed were nothing compared to his night terrors. He often couldn't remember much of what would get him so worked up and so scared, but Kurt had always figured it had lots to do with 'the incident', mainly given the fact they'd started after that. Sometimes he could remember bits, something awful like being locked in a burning house, or something chasing him. Mostly though, he tended to natter on about blood, and that had clicked with Kurt damn fast.

Tonight he'd went to bed like normal. He had brushed his teeth, thrown on some clean socks and boxers and a long sleeve shirt, and curled up with Xavier for their nightly make out session. Then he'd got nice and close to the heater he called his boyfriend, given him a few more kisses, and announced that he was done for the day. The only thing out of the ordinary was a headache that had been with him all day, and he'd just pinned that on the weather and chosen to ignore it. Still, just like normal, he passed out pretty fast and went in to his normal sweet and innocent sleeping Kooah look. He had his hands balled up by his face and his arm laid on Xavier's chest, lips pouted and curly hair everywhere. His breathing was completely calm and he hadn't done a lot of talking, more sighing and mumbling gently about who knew what. His on face was so close to Xavier's there was a good chance the poor guy was getting a damp cheek from his breathing. There was nothing that could harm him.

And then, something changed. His mind decided tonight was the perfect night to fuck him over. At first his face just grew less relaxed, which wasn't exactly the rarest occurrence. It happened when he was dreaming and sometimes when he was sleep talking as well. Nothing too strange... But then he started whimpering, and he rolled completely away from Xavier. His whimpering turned in to mumbling, and then sobbing. His eyes were shut so tight like it would help him stop crying, pillow pushed roughly on to the floor and blankets were being roughly kicked off while his sobbing progressed to yelling and screaming. "Help me! Please! Help, oh my God, help me!" Kahlua shot up, eyes open, but he was by no means fine. He was tense and shaking, terrified, and by the way he wasn't looking to Xavier for help right away and still just sobbing and yelling, not even awake yet. Within seconds he'd backed in to the wall, screamed at the top of his lungs, and flung to the other end of the bed. Face covered to muffle his cries, he stayed laying on his side upside down on the bed. "Help me..."


---
tagged: the buffed out chipmunk
wordcount: idk
notes: tadaaaa.

[XAVIER DONOVAN CRANE]

YOU KNOW THAT I’M WITH YOU
‘till the end, i swear that i love you

[/font]
• • • • • • • • • • • SEXY PUNKIN ![/font][/color][/font][/size][/center]

After knowing Kahlua for as long as he had, Xavier was more than used to his odd behaviour and habits by now. Sure, at first he found some of them completely bizarre and weird, and some of them kind of annoyed him at first, but he had grown to love those about Kahlua. Looking back on it, those incredibly weird things about Kahlua were what he loved best about him. There was no way Xavier could be with someone who was plain and boring and normal, not at all. He had to fall in love with the weirdest person God had to offer him. Xavier didn’t like all of the things that were “wrong” with Kahlua. More specifically, he didn’t like that Kahlua had to go through with this stuff. He hated that Kahlua had such horrible nightmares. He hated that he couldn’t make them stop so Kahlua could have a peaceful sleep for once. Xavier was still learning how to deal with Kahlua’s night terrors on both a physical level and an emotional one. He tried not to show Kahlua how much it hurt to see him so afraid, but the fact was that it bothered him a lot. The nattering and mumbling he could handle just fine, it was when it got to be a little bit more than that when Xavier started panicking on the inside.

Their night time routine tonight had gone as it usually did. He changed into a pair of adorable sheep jammies and some clean boxers, an older and kind of tight tee shirt covering his torso. Despite how many millions of times Kahlua said he had an amazing body that was worth showing off, Xavier was incredibly modest. He could barely bring himself to go into the hot tub at his parents’ house without a shirt on. It made him uncomfortable enough to walk around his own house without a shirt on. He was weird like that, and it didn’t matter how many times Kahlua told him he a chest so hot you could bake cookies on it. With his jammies on, despite Kahlua’s protesting about the need for a shirt, he brushed his teeth and shaved really quickly, since if he didn’t he’d have a mega gnarly beard in the morning. He crawled into the bed he shared with Kahlua and waited for his icy cold boyfriend to come join him, snuggling up close to try and warm him up. It didn’t seem to matter how many blankets or sweaters Kahlua had, he was always ice cold. He didn’t really mind though, since he was always incredibly hot, especially during their night time make out session. (Wink, wink.) It wasn’t long before they were both passing out, an arm wrapped snugly around Kahlua with the other under his pillow.

Because of Kahlua’s night terrors, Xavier had taught himself to be a pretty light sleeper. Whenever Kahlua mumbled innocently Xavier woke up, but only for long enough to make sure everything was okay. He could fall right back asleep the second he knew nothing was wrong. By now the only thing he slept through were his own seizures, which didn’t happen often when he was sleeping but still happened. He had a very small one as he slept, the arm that was under his pillow removing itself to grab at a small section of blanket. He tugged at the tiny section three times before his hand just dropped where it was and stayed there, the seizure over as quickly as it had started. Eventually Xavier’s head turned, pressing itself against Kahlua’s and nuzzling him gently. His legs shifted and his arm stretched out so his fingers were poking off of the edge of the bed. He was fidgety when he slept. The second Kahlua started whimpering his eyes fluttered open, only into little slits that peered at him in concern before closing again. He knew he should wake up and try and get the nightmare to stop before it got any worse, but he as just so tired. It wasn’t until Kahlua started sobbing and screaming when he finally woke up, snatching his arm out from under Kahlua and scooting away from him for a moment.

He needed time to think, since his mind was still half asleep. His eyes struggled to focus not just because he was near sighted, but also because of how tired he was. Xavier couldn’t help but groan as he watched Kahlua shoot up and open his eyes, knowing full well that he wasn’t awake. Watching him shake and scream broke his heart into a million little pieces. He couldn’t help but wonder if he should try and wake Kahlua up right now, still trying to find the best way to handle these episodes. Tears stung his sleepy eyes as he watched Kahlua shoot to the other side of the bed, immediately kicking into superhero mode. He crawled over to Kahlua and took his shoulders as gently as he could, but with enough force in case Kahlua fought against him. Xavier rolled his boyfriend over onto his back and brought his body so it hovered on top of the other’s, not putting his weight down on Kahlua just yet. He used his knees to keep him upright, his arms tense as they held Kahlua’s arms down in case he flailed. This was why he went to the gym as often as he did, and this was why he had such surprisingly beefy arms. As he pinned Kahlua down they were in full beef-mode, the muscles flexed so you could see just how big they really were. “Kooah, punkin,”

[/color] he said in his soft and still boyish voice. “Wake up, punkin,”[/color] he pleaded gently, holding him down firmly. “Wake up and be where it’s safe, come on,”[/color] he coaxed as best as he could, not even sure if it was going to work. [/blockquote]words: 985
outfit: sheep jammies ; D
lyrics: the ready set, aileron
notes: <3[/blockquote][/size]

[KAHLUA EMORY LOVATO]

Kahlua nearly pissed himself when Xavier touched him, every muscle in his body tensing up all over again. Not that they were of that much use with the beefcake straddling him and holding him. He went quiet save for a few whimpers when he was pinned, coughing a bit from drool being sent in to his throat. Other than that though, it was as if everything was over... Unless you took in to consideration the fact that he was so stiff his arms actually did look muscular and he was nearly convulsing from shaking so hard. The pathetic noises he was making grew louder and more desperate, until soon enough he was back to sobbing uncontrollably and yelping out "no" when he could. All at once he completely lost it.

He tried to pull away from Xavier which was only obvious by his arching back, and when that didn't work he started to claw at whatever he could reach. Unfortunately he'd been doing really good with his biting (and night terrors) so he actually did have a bit of nail to catch his hero's arms. All the while, his legs were kicking hard but his thighs were only really connecting with Xavier's ass cheeks. He wasn't aware enough to think of kneeing the poor man in the back, which was a really good thing. He just kept with his clawing and kicking and yelling in between sobs. It was so good that Xavier not only had the muscle tone to keep Kahlua down, but the knowledge to do it right. Kurt had learned the hard way many times, he'd taken kicks and hits like no one knew. What's worse, that time he'd taken a fist to the nose and had it broken, Kahlua had woken up to that. His panic was bad enough when it was in his head, waking up to see his brother's bloody face had fucked him right up. Xavier at least could walk out of this with nothing but a few scratches and a bruised bum.

Few people really understood how out of control Kahlua could get. Close friends had all witnessed an episode of some sort, but never the stuff that Xavier got to see. Xavier was the one dragged through all of the shit. He'd seen the complete change. Kahlua had never been completely normal and functional, but he had been much better. He used to be this little goofy awkward kid with pretty eyes and baby fat. He'd get high with David and they'd rough house and eat whatever the hell they felt like, listen to music and talk about whatever. He used to be more independent, where as now he could barely even dress himself some days. He used to be able to leave his fingernails until they looked 'too queer', and even not have to worry about the threat of getting his head shaved so he wouldn't pull out his fucking hair. When Xavier met him, there'd been no threat that he'd try to hurt himself, let alone kill himself. There'd been no surgery, no stitches, and the only pills he'd taken were vitamins because he had a shitty immune system. The only thing he did was talk in his sleep and be a total heat whore.

Now here he was, struggling against the only person that may have understood, even just a little bit. Unknowingly bruising and scratching his hero, spitting at him and crying as if Xavier of all the people in the whole world was really trying to hurt him. He gave up on his kicking and went back to arching and squirming, acting like a horse that hadn't been broken yet or a rape victim. Dealing with this so often, Xavier would probably be really good at bull riding. Kahlua gave off a few more frustrated screams, one good arch, and then he was back to his desperate kicking right in to his wake. The tears didn't stop, and he shook more and looked even more scared now, but he was awake. "Xavier," he whimpered, "I'm sorry." He pet where he'd previously been clawing, looking up at him with big wet eyes. "I'm sorry Xavier, oh my God, I'm so fucking sorry!" There were tears everywhere, down over his ears, along his neck and chin. His lips were still wet from spitting at Xav in his sleep. All he wanted was to be held so tight he couldn't function. All he wanted was to make things okay.


---
tagged: the man of the year
wordcount: 744
notes: finisheddd.

[XAVIER DONOVAN CRANE]

YOU KNOW THAT I’M WITH YOU
‘till the end, i swear that i love you

[/font]
• • • • • • • • • • • SEXY PUNKIN ![/font][/color][/font][/size][/center]

Xavier liked to think that he was doing better at dealing with the night terrors, which was kind of a scary thought when he stopped to ponder it over. He was getting used to Kahlua’s night terrors. He was learning how to deal with them. It was almost a commitment related fear, but not quite. What scared him about learning how to handle all of Kahlua’s problems was more or less being afraid for Kahlua. The more used to these things he got, the more he realized how hard it must be for Kahlua. Xavier had, after all, seen him go from being goofy and awkward to a shattered and decrepit version of that adorable little boy. Xavier was pretty sure he would never meet someone else who had done such a drastic change in such a short period of time. Did Xavier miss the old Kahlua? Of course he did, it was only natural to, but he loved that he could take care of this new and broken Kahlua. Xavier had always been one of those people who enjoyed taking care of others, so Kahlua and all of the quirks that came along with him were just what he needed. If you looked in Xavier’s kindergarten yearbook his “What I want to be when I grow up” was a “stay at home dad” so he had people to take care of. That was Xavier’s biggest flaw in the long run. He spent far too much time worrying about Kahlua’s health to even consider his own.

He didn’t even think twice about being hit in the back by his boyfriend’s thighs and feet, nor did it really bother him that he was being clawed at. Right now Xavier was far too worried about Kahlua, which meant no time to bother with a few scratches. Tears continued to swell in Xavier’s eyes the longer he held Kahlua down. He could feel how tense Kahlua got and the uncontrollable sobs coming from the other boy were breaking his heart. He wanted this to stop and it wanted this to stop now. If Xavier could trade places he would. If he could have to endure the night terrors rather than Kahlua doing it he would gladly take the chance. The more Kahlua tried to pull away the more force Xavier had to put on his boyfriend, biting his bottom lip because he was afraid he might end up hurting Kahlua. His arms were tense and flexed quite beautifully, but there was no conscious mind of Kahlua’s to admire them. He endured the kicks and the clawing, though he did wince every now and then when one stung enough to be noticeable. He was just glad he wasn’t being kneed in the back, or punched like Kurt had been. Speaking of which, Xavier did feel a little overconfident knowing that he had picked up on how to deal with the night terrors faster than Kurt had done.

Being spit at was the worst he had really had to endure. There had been a few times when Xavier had woken up to being swatted at, sure, but Kahlua wasn’t a very strong person. In Xavier’s eyes spit was worse than a silly little slap, but at least it missed anywhere important and landed on his shirt. He could change it when Kahlua was awake and safe and calm, but for now he was going to have to put up with the gross wetness that seeped through the shirt and brushed against his chest. It was a bit odd for him to be so grossed out by Kahlua’s spit considering how much of it they swapped every night during the bedtime routine, but no one said Xavier was normal. The entire time Kahlua squealed Xavier kept his grip on him quite firmly, not enough to leave too bad of a bruise, but enough to risk a bruise none the less. It was all he had to keep the tears that were blurring his vision something fierce from falling. He really hated seeing Kahlua in pain, and this was as painful as it got aside from the suicide attempts and self destruction. Those didn’t happen often though, so Xavier didn’t really count them.

Xavier couldn’t help but let out a huge sigh of relief when Kahlua finally woke up, immediately letting go of his shoulders and pulling him up to hug him as tightly as he possible could. With Kahlua unable to see his face, he let a few of the tears escape his eyes before using one of his hands to wipe them off, still hugging Kahlua as he did so. “It’s fine,”

[/color] he choked in response. “Don’t worry about it, they’re tiny,”[/color] he reassured him, his voice struggling to come out confidently. His beefy arms held Kahlua as tight as he could, sitting upright so his legs made an M shape. One of his hands tangled itself in Kahlua’s curls, his fingers wiggling deeper into the mess as some form of comfort. “Don’t be sorry, I’m fine. Are you okay?”[/color] he manage to plead in a more normal voice, though how worried and scared he was for Kahlua was still quite evident.[/blockquote]words: 867
outfit: sheep jammies ; D
lyrics: the ready set, aileron
notes: <3[/blockquote][/size]

[KAHLUA EMORY LOVATO]

Kahlua couldn't manage to do anything but cry and cling to Xavier like he would die if he didn't. He was terrified, and he couldn't for the life of him figure out why. It was one of those times he had no clue what had happened before he woke up. All he really knew was his fingers were digging in to Xavier's shoulder and bicep, and he was probably leaving bruises but he couldn't think about that. He needed to be held and hold on to him and just get it out of his system. It was one of the situations now where he was sobbing quite loudly, and that was a good way to tell he was seriously scared and upset. When he got to a certain state of upset, he was a nosy crier. It really didn't help he could only hear half of it. He didn't try to, and he never did it just for attention. He was a baby but not that spoiled and annoying.

As he became a bit more aware again of what was going on, the hand on Xavier's shoulder came to rest between his face and Xavier's shirt. He'd already cried on it, but he having troubles calming down and with that he couldn't breathe very well. Many times in the past he'd pulled his hands from his face only to find they were slimy and disgusting. again, he didn't go in to a fit planning for these things to happen, but now he did try to keep it from happening on other people. Kurt may have offered his shirt as a giant Kleenex, but he never wanted Xavier to do the same. He'd rather use his own shirt and go the rest of the day (or night in this case) with his scars out in the open. With that in mind his rolled his sleeve up and made an effort to dry his face a bit, coughing, swallowing, and working on getting some deep breaths in. Each one was shaky and uneven, and a few he ended up letting out little whimpers on. He was trying though. It was just so hard being this scared and hearing Xavier's voice come out upset. He put on a brave voice now, but Kahlua did manage to catch it at first.
`
"I'm so sorry," he tried again, squirming and wrapping his arms tightly around the other boy. It was hard to do when Xavier was holding him so tight, but he loved it. He needed it. His eyes felt weird, and each time he blinked more tears seemed to roll down his cheeks. His head was tilted and he could feel now that his nose was running, and there was no way in hell he was going to look up at Xav now, and maybe he wouldn't feel confident to ever again. Not when things would be going perfectly and then shit like this happened. His head and chest felt full and heavy, and not even his face going through the regular leaking seemed to make it better, if anything it just seemed to get worse. He wasn't sobbing though, and he was down to a tremble from a full shake. "I have to pee..." There was a tiny bit of a nervous giggle, then his tone went back to how it was. Tired, scared, ashamed. "Don't let me. Don't let go of me, please..." He brought an arm back around and whiped his nose as subtlely as he could with his sleeve, curling in even closer to Xav again. It wasn't often Kahlua thought of taking his life anymore, but times like now, being held so tight with his face hot and wet and itchy, he wouldn't exactly be against dying.


---
tagged: Xavier <3
wordcount: idk, enough
notes: nrrrr finally, sorry.

[XAVIER DONOVAN CRANE]

YOU KNOW THAT I’M WITH YOU
‘till the end, i swear that i love you

[/font]
• • • • • • • • • • • SEXY PUNKIN ![/font][/color][/font][/size][/center]

When Kahlua was like this there was nothing that would pry him away from the other boy, willing to risk his own sleep schedule and health to make sure that his man was alright. He couldn’t stand to see Kahlua upset or afraid, and it seemed that no matter how good things seemed to look something would happen to ruin it. He tried his best to make sure their life was stable and consistent, with as little drastic changes as possible. Xavier liked to think that he was doing a good job at keeping Kahlua happy with everything, no matter how bad it could get at times. Xavier was quite alright holding Kahlua as he sobbed, not minding if his shirt got covered in slime. He would rather his shirt get all gross than Kahlua’s and having him have to go shirtless for a night. He knew how uncomfortable having his scars out in the open was for Kahlua, so he wouldn’t ever put him through that if he didn’t have to. Xavier was selfless. He was a nurturer. He had a need to take care of everyone much in the same way a doctor had a need to save every patient, but with an inability to handle large amounts of blood and gore. Xavier wanted the world to be as happy as he was, and right now Kahlua was his entire world. Being in love was such a wonderful feeling. Xavier was unconditionally and irreversibly in love with Kahlua.

He didn’t mind the death grip Kahlua had on his arm and shoulder, just focusing on holding the love of his life and trying to calm him down. It didn’t matter how hard Kahlua’s grip was or how gross his shirt got. His own grip on Kahlua’s entire body loosened when one of the other boy’s arms moved before tightening back around Kahlua’s smaller body. Well, they were about the same size but Xavier was beefier, obviously. He planted a kiss on Kahlua’s forehead, allowing his lips to linger against the sobbing boy’s skin and messy curls for a precious moment before pressing his cheek against Kahlua’s hair. He let Kahlua wipe his face, his expression getting more and more hurt as he listened to Kahlua cough and sob still. He really did wish he could take all of this away for Kahlua. He wished that the person he loved most in this world could get one moment of peace every now and then, because if it wasn’t one thing it was another. He couldn’t help but wonder what God had planned for Kahlua with all of the boy’s quirks and problems. Whatever it was, it better be worth all of Kahlua’s suffering, because Xavier couldn’t stand seeing his man so upset all of the time. “You want my shirt?”

[/color] he offered in a quiet voice. It only just occurred to him that they could wake someone up and cause a scene among the floor, which was the last thing either of them wanted.

He blinked a few times to get his eyes to focus. His vision was bad enough as is, but right now his lazy eye was even lazier than usual. The vision in that eye was even more out of focus than the other and he could barely see through the little slit his eyelids provided him with. Despite his horrible vision at the moment he shook his head. “Don’t apologize punkin, you can’t control your dreams,”[/color] he pointed out as his arms adjusted themselves to Kahlua’s squirming. Finally caving, he let go of Kahlua and took off his shirt and held it to the other boy’s dripping wet face. “Here,”[/color] he said with a little more positive tones to his voice, though he was still terrified and very concerned for his boyfriend. He let Kahlua take his shirt and wrapped his arms back around the sobbing mess of a boyfriend that he had, pulling him onto his lap so they could be comfier. Leaning against the wall now, they had the opportunity for the best snuggling position ever. He couldn’t help but snort a little at the next thing that came out of Kahlua’s mouth, which honestly shouldn’t have surprised him at all. It was such a Kahlua thing to do at a moment like this, but as requested Xavier had no plans on letting go of the boy. Leaning against the wall with Kahlua on his lap, he was holding his punkin with his entire body now. “I won’t, I promise,”[/color] he nearly whispered. “You’re okay now, you’re safe,”[/color] he reassured him some more with his face burying itself in Kahlua’s curls. “I’m not going to let you go,”[/color] he promised again. [/blockquote]words: 787
outfit: sheep jammies ; D
lyrics: the ready set, aileron
notes: <3[/blockquote][/size]